Dream Meets Reality
10/30/2003 - 5:09 p.m.
Music : Invisible Man by Theory Of A Dead Man
Mood : Quirky (maybe)
Random Proclamations from Me, Myself, and I : At a computer, in a room, in a dorm, on a campus, somewhere in the middle of America
Wonderful Asshole??
If you asked my friends (the few who I can truly call friends), I'm sure they would all say that I am a nice person; maybe I'd even be lucky enough to say that I am a wonderful person at times. It goes the same with the family, they would all say that I am a "good guy". It's what I always strive for; one of the most important things in my book- to not just look like a "good guy" but to actually BE a good guy.
So, why do all of a sudden I feel like a completely assholic jerk the last few days. I feel like I've been only thinking of myself, when people around me are in pain as well. Is it a funk, or am I losing my desire to help? God I hope not. I don't know how that would affect me, if i one day woke up with no care for anybody else in the world. Maybe I'm just seeing it out of proportion because I am plagued with a constant sense of guilt. Maybe I'm seeing something that isn't actually there. Maybe . . . I'll hope.
p.s.- I don't know if assholic is a word. . . but it is now
0 comments so far"When it was over, all I could think about was how this entire notion of oneself, what we are, is just this logical structure, a place to momentarily house all the abstractions. It was a time to become conscious, to give form and coherence to the mystery, and I had been a part of that. It was a gift. Life was raging all around me and every moment was magical. I loved all the people, dealing with all the contradictory impulses - that's what I loved the most, connecting with the people. Looking back, that's all that really mattered."
-Waking Life
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