Me:"So, is this it". . . silence

Me:"After all this time . . . you're going to run off with someone else?"

X:"I don't want to hurt you..."

Well, that was six months ago (I think to the day). Let me tell you, after so much time; time to heal, time to forget . . . IT STILL HURTS. Not as much mind you, but late at night when I lie awake in my bed . . . all I can feel is alone. But I want this pain in my heart to go away.

You know the old saying, "Love dies hard"? Well, I'm beginning to think that Love, true love-the kind that some only dream about, the kind that I felt, never dies it only waits for the right moment to hit you. I'm usually the person with the best grasp on life, but my demons still haunt me; my mind is still infested with pain.

There will be days when I'm in the clear; weeks where I don't even think about how it used to be . . . and then I remember something. Maybe it's just the smile that was not there before me. Maybe it was that look in your eyes; the one you never showed to anyone else. Maybe it was the smell of your showered hair as I held you in my arms.

And then I fall right back into this pit. There is no one to pull me out; I don't have the courage to speak up, and I don't have the power to just forget.

Maybe I'm bringing this up for no reason . . . maybe it's because I don't know who cares for me any more . . .

back to life - forth to uncertainty